This is not an easy thing to do. It takes a certain amount of maturity and experience. It also requires self-awareness and most importantly…. knowledge of how to keep ourselves in our Neocortex (non-emotional/ problem solving) part of the brain.

Office environments can fluctuate from low to high stress environments. This means some staff are operating at different stress levels for different reasons during working hours. Conflicts can escalate quickly, so it’s easy to feel overwhelmed if a colleague is impatient or ‘off the cuff’ with us.

An impulsive reaction usually makes matters worse. We can feel attacked and this leaves us in a state of emotional distress. Neither of these are good for organisational productivity, office harmony and of course our own health.

So how do we stay grounded and think clearly when ambushed by a colleague or situation?

1. Recognize Your Emotional Response

When someone shouts at us, it’s natural to be triggered. The part of our brain that handles emotions (Limbic System) wants us to respond. Understanding and accepting that this is happening is the first step to avoiding an emotional response.

2. Count to 10/ Breathe:

Avoid a knee jerk response. Count to 10 and breathe before responding. This can help avoiding falling into the Limbic trap and staying in the Neocortex.

3. Wait…

Resist the urge to immediately respond. Using a tactical pause helps clear the mind and gives time for the other person time to clear their own head. Use this with counting to 10 and it is possible to de-escalate the situation and move to a more constructive conversation.

4. Focus on the Facts, Not the Emotion

When someone is shouting at us, the content of the message can get lost in the delivery because our brains are trying to work out what is happening and why is this happening. We are not thinking of the message. It is easy to be offended ‘who does this person think they are!?’…or upset ‘Why is the person being so mean to me?’ Use Tips 1-3 and then focus on the actual issue being raised, rather than the tone behind it. Responding to the facts allows us to stay objective and keep our Neocortex engaged.

5. Choose the Correct Language

Effective communication can solve the issue and calm the situation. Poor communication can escalate it. When responding, the recommendation is to have a neutral tone of voice. It is ok to be firm but avoid being rude. Maintain a good posture and avoid mirroring the other person’s tone and behaviour. If you hear yourself being quiet or timid. Acknowledge it, clear your mind and repeat your comment again clearly, firmly and confidently.

6. Change Tack

By keeping engaged in your Neocortex, it is possible to change the direction of the situation/ conversation. This not only helps us to stay calm, but it can force the other person’s brain to switch from an emotional state of mind (Limbic) to a problem-solving state of mind (Neocortex). In that moment, the other person’s brain needs to acknowledge the change of direction. This can be seen as an opportunity to resolve the problem in a professional and respectable manner.

7. Set Boundaries (If needed)

If the situation starts to escalate then the potential for physical conflict also escalates so setting and enforcing boundaries is important for many reasons. Using assertive dialogue and a strong posture inform the other person that yelling is not acceptable and that the conversation cannot continue in its current form. Avoid triggers such as ‘calm down’ which can escalate the situation further. Keep a safe distance until you have moved yourself to a safer place.

Final Thoughts…

Remaining calm when shouted at in the office is not always easy, but by using the above steps it is possible to avoid being hijacked by our own emotions. Acknowledging the situation and our own emotional state reduces the chances of saying something without thinking that we may regret later. De-escalation, tactical pause, and focusing on rational solutions can help reduce conflict in the workplace.

It is never acceptable to receive abuse. No-one should need to hide or feel distress due to the behaviour of a colleague. It is smart to learn de-escalation tactics. By denying the Limbic system and engaging the Neocortex it is possible to remain rational in the face of verbal abuse.