Today I had the displeasure of experiencing some road rage (low-level) and it got me thinking about how it affected me physically and mentally in that moment.

A bit of background first. I fancied some soup for lunch, so I thought I’d pop around to the local M&S. Turning into the car park, another car was preparing to leave, so I was left in the entrance way for approximately 1min. Nothing unusual. Another car arrived and immediately beeped me to move forward. I didn’t respond as there was space for him to pass, and I knew it was only going to be another few seconds before I could move into the vacated slot. He beeped again and started shouting something from his window. Something like ‘You cannot leave me in the middle of the road!’ From this point things escalated…

I think it’s fair to say there are different types of road rage. In my experience, there are reactionary types who respond instantly to anything. There are people who enjoy it and are looking for excuses. There are some who are just having a bad day and want to vent. Road rage can be verbal and/or physical. In the worst cases people have used their cars as weapons to injure the other party or a car full of thugs jump out and beat the daylights out of the other driver regardless of whether there are children in the car or being on a busy road.

The trigger could be something significant like being cut-off at high speed, or something small like being made to wait a little while (much like the situation I experienced).

The road rage I experienced is a type of ambush. Not an ambush like a predator waiting in the dark for an unsuspecting target, rather an ambush on the mental state of the person being targeted. It is surprising, unexpected, unplanned for and therefore it can trigger a state of instant stress on the mind & body.

As this event was unfolding, I made sure I was acknowledging that it was happening. This is a crucial process to break the mental freeze, activate your safety plan and give yourself permission to move the next stage.

I did my safety check. I scanned using my side window and located him. Still in his car, 10m away, window down. I estimated it would take him less than 10 seconds to get to my window. He was clearly agitated but wasn’t yet making a physical effort to get out the car. Next, I checked my door locks and scanned the surrounding area for other people who would be exposed in case he suddenly drove up behind me. Whilst watching the car in front leave, I continued to monitor him from the side mirror.

Despite all my training, I still felt an adrenaline surge in my body. At this point, it’s important to manage this physical change of state because when adrenaline & cortisol is dumped into our blood system it can be overwhelming and affects judgement. It feels a little like fear but it’s not. It is preparation for conflict. It is also the beginning of the OODA loop. Understanding what is happening to our bodies allows us to break out of a freeze.

I knew he would come close to me at one point because I had not responded to his initial shouting. I calmly prepared what I was going to say…and importantly, how I was going to say it. It is critical to keep yourself in an unemotional state and avoid giving away hooks that would give this rager an excuse to escalate. I counted to 10. If you can get to 10 without saying something stupid you be able to rationalise your speech and thoughts.

He pulled up beside me and shouted his original comments. He was agitated and aggressive, so a poorly chosen word from me could have ignited the situation. I didn’t want that. I wanted some soup. I said to him ‘I just need 1 more minute’. I looked at him normally, smiled a little, and that was it.

As expected, it didn’t really matter what I was going to say because he had already formed an opinion and wanted some blood in return. He said something back again looking for a hook. However, the way I spoke to him (calmly, respectfully, plainly) disarmed him and kept the situation under control long enough.

The other car pulled away, so I drove into the empty spot. He started at me again as I was getting out of my car, shouting at me through his window, repeating my words and again accusing me of leaving him in the middle of the road. I could have responded and continued the exchange, but I already knew that it was over. All I had to do was keep my mouth shut.

I walked off and ignored his comments. He wasn’t happy that I was now ignoring him, but I was in the shop and that was the end of it.

WHAT TO DO IN THE EVENT OF ROAD RAGE

1. Identify the threat(s) – use mirrors, check the distance, check their posture
2. Start your Safety Check
3. Ensure all windows and doors are closed/locked
4. Acknowledge this is happening. Feel the adrenaline and control it
5. Count to 10 – control your mind and clear your thinking
6. Don’t panic – you are protected inside your vehicle
7. Only move your vehicle if safe to do so – don’t cause an accident
8. Call the police – calmly explain the situation and your location
9. Prepare a calm response if you need to talk – avoid escalation
10. Monitor – don’t get out of your car unless safe to do so